Thursday, June 30, 2005
Wednesday, June 29, 2005
Getting to OKYesterday, I met a friend from Calgary for the first time. I held her baby girl, who was due the same week as my boy, and you know what?
I didn't cry.
I don't know if that means I'm going to be OK, or if I've somehow shut down. But it feels like OK. Not over it, but surviving.
Today, I listened to a song I associated with my supposedly spring baby, and I didn't cry.
Is it OK for me to be OK?
Tuesday, June 28, 2005
How are you?It means so so much when people step out of their comfort zones to ask, "How are you?". So many people are afraid to ask, whether because they think I have somehow "forgotten" and they will be making me sad or because they don't want to be burdened with my grief. Some people who were virtual strangers or casual acquaintences have surprised me with their sinsitivity and interest, other people I know well just don't talk about it.
Sunday, June 19, 2005
Stage MomMy neighbor says, "You're such a stage mom" (you must imagine that said by a New Yawk Jewish mother). Yesterday I couldn't eat....it took me three tries to do HRH's bun. At intermission, right after her performance. I tell me neighbor "Shewashalfasecondbehindthe wholetime!!" Neighbor says no, she hit her marks and reminds me that HRH is SIX. And she wasn't nervous...I seem to have carried all hers for her.
Wednesday, June 15, 2005
Existential BluesI've been having a hard time with prayer the last few days. After all, the one thing I prayed most fervently for ever since I got pregnant with my first child, maybe before, I got a great big NO on. Then, in the wake of grief Hubby starts coming to church and it's like 12 years of prayer answered! Yay! But he only goes 2 months before he decides it's not worth it. Ahhh. Struck down again. I know you're not supposed to ask for signs, but I could really use a freaking YES right now.
Monday, June 13, 2005
Why oh why........do my brilliant beautiful children have to question EVERYTHING I tell them to do? I know that's thier job. I know it's better than squashing thier tender psyches. But good gracious, can thwy just not SOMETIMES not argue with me?
Sunday, June 12, 2005
Dress Rehearsal, part deux5HOURS!!! 5 HOURS!!!! Who knew sitting for 5 hours could be so tiring? The veddy British artistic director works those kids, and it shows. The culmination of the time and money ($675) spent in the last 10 months is now less than a week away......she is so excited.
Friday, June 10, 2005
What should I REALLY be doing right now?I should be taking the kids out for a walk, and since I actually have a few spare dollars I could be looking for a yard sale, but here I am downloading fanfic while the kids play in their rooms. But there is construction going on out front, which not only has them entertained (better than Construction Driver Dave!!), it gives me an admittedly lame excuse NOT to go out my front door. Not that my fat butt wil thank me for being such a GEEEEEK!
Wednesday, June 08, 2005
Dress RehearsalsDress rehearsals have started at HRH The Faerie Princess's dance school, and thus I had to learn to do something I have avoided for 1 1/2 years of ballet: do a bun with actual bobby pins. I am convinced I lack the neccesary "hair doing gene". I am certainly doing something wrong. For starters, a few months ago I walked in on a kids only hair cutting party. The VERY short bangs HRH got then are now longish and raggedy. Miss H, her teacher, insists that enough gel will make them lay down. I must be getting the wrong gel. I only have to do this two more times this year, then it's back to wrapping her buns in organza hair tutus.
Ah, and make up. Daddy is less than thrilled with that. Now we have to specify "No make up but STAGE make up until you're 30. "
At least my neighbor sewed the bow on her costume for me.