raising godzillas

"My body wept, and the tears were white"

All the books I have read on perinatal loss say that within 48 hours of the body attempting to make milk, it will subside.
I am going on 72 hours.
I have been doing all I can to stop this painful process, to get it over with. No More Milk tea, tight bras, cabbage leaves in the bra. MY body, the workhorse that it is, is still trying like crazy to feed a baby that isn't there.
Last night I took off my bra to get into the bath an my breasts were rosk hard and lumpy. I let them hang in the water, to let them drain somewhat without stimulating milk production. I wept into the water as I watched the milk flow out. This milk that flows out of me for no one, will be the last I will produce. My breasts ache, my arms ache , my heart aches.

posted by gojirama @ 3:00 PM