Wednesday, March 02, 2005

Birth of Brian Benjamin

When we got home, our neighbor and her son were waiting. We dropped the kids of quickly and headed for the hospital. How to describe the experience? Aside from getting admitted there was paperwork, questions to be answered. Did we want a lock of hair, pictures, a hat and gown? One of the pastors came to call, and prayed with us. Then I was taken for a breif ultrasound. The tech and a doctor confirmed that there was no heartbeat. The small shred of hope I had been clinging to died. The doctor on call asked if I wanted to induce now or wait untilt he next day. I decided it would be best to have this part over with, and Pitocin was started. I had decided that while I had had three natural births, there was no reason to do that this time. After all, why do we avoid drugs in labor? Our newest pastor came to visit. It turns out this was her first pastoral care call. She has been so very wonderful. She stayed over an hour, listening to us, praying with us and reading the Scriptures. After she lest I dozed on and off through the labor. At about 2-3 cm, the doctor broke my water. He said the meconium was clear, which indicated that whatever has caused our baby's death, it happened so fast that if I had headed to the ER when it happened, they could not have saved him. And that he had not suffered for a moment. At some point my midwife arrived. At some point I asked first for Stadol, and when that was not enough, I was given morphine. Although it was the shortest of my labors by about half, it was the most painful. I cannot describe to some one who has not done it, the difference between birthing a living baby and one who was not. Just about the point I decided I would have an epidural, the doctor told me I was at a 9. My midwife got me up on my knees, and within minutes I was able to push. One of the memories I will able to cherish is his small warm body as I pushed it out. He was placed on my belly, wrapped in a warmed towel, and I held him and cried. Pictures were taken. Hubby had called pastor about the time I started pushing and she arrived soon after his birth. She performed a breif naming ceremony and it meant so so much to have her lay hands on him and pray with us at that time. My midwife had to go ( she had not slept) and she signed a cross on his head before leaving. We had time alone with him, About an hour and a half after his birth it was time to go to the nursery.


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