How not to hold a yard saleStart by smoking all over your merchandise. Which includes children's items. Which leads one to presume you smoke all over your poor children. Eww.
Put up signs claiming "Everything must go!" then charge $5 for a Spiderman umbrella or $20 for a pair of boots (ugly boots, even!) Not buying it.
Then, as your crowning achievement, sell DVDs that STILL HAVE THE LIBRARY STICKER ON!. Nice.